21.

I hope I live another 5 years so I can look back at my turning 21 blog with some cringe —

(or pride?  ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡° )

Presently my life is what I imagine the plotline of Groundhog Day is, I don't know I haven't watched it, but every day for the past one and a half year has been more or less the same except the sadboi weeks of spring '21.  

Birthdays however are weird to me, my brain can't help but fall into the introspective cycle of evaluating life and it's rarely good. I spent most of last night ruminating about... well a lot of things, obviously my future but also the past and the present. I wonder what it feels like to look back at days with delight, keeping your head up now and being optimistic for the future. 

I wouldn't say I'm pessimistic but I feel empty and guilty of not being enough. Honestly, that isn't really anything to feel sad about because I am still hopeful for a better future, but there's this thing about actions having consequences and it is this fear of wasting away my days that keeps me up at night. I can't pinpoint what is it I lack (discipline) or have an abundance of (confidence), but it is stopping me from being consistent, and every third day it makes me want to do something about it.

I want to be a better friend, a better student, a better writer, a better "content consumer"; I want to be a better person.

The nice thing about it is that I'm young (yay!) and I can do it all. So my 21st birthday, if anything, will be the precise moment in my personal history where I will myself to be more.

Fin.

Now let's do a 21 Rules series which I will probably never remember, but hey this is for 26 years old me, and there has to be something to look back at and smile about because you never know what miserable turns life would take, or what pandemic is in season then, or if climate change really speeds up and the world turns into an apocalyptic nightmare (where somehow google has dedicated servers to run blogger and internet is still available to the world's proletariat like me).

In no particular order: 

1. Be passionate. Days and weeks might seem long, but life is short.

2. Run a lot.

3. Study daily. A lot. For another 18 months.

4. Exercise every day.

5. Meditate. Sometimes.

6. Blog. Please.

7. Keep trying.

8. Be kind.

9. Stuff is hard because it is worth it. Unless it's maths. That's just hard.

10. Never settle. 

11. Stay organized. 

12. Be sincere. No easy path to success. 

13. Try new things.

14. Read more. It's never enough.

15. Watch a lot of stuff.

16. Catalogue culture consumption.

17. Manage money better.

18. Have agency. Take responsibility.

19. Do not kill the part of you that is cringe. Kill the part that cringes (borrowed from the internet).

20. Don't commit to something you can't complete. This list for example.

21. see Rule 20.  

P.S. 21 is ok, but ages 22 and 23 have dedicated songs by Taylor Swift and IU, so it's not that bad getting old. Hehe.